Co-parenting is a collaborative arrangement between parents who work together to raise their child in a safe and loving environment. It requires both parents to contribute to their child's care, upbringing, and activities and interact frequently and respectfully with one another. The best co-parenting relationships involve the parents putting their personal feelings aside to give their child what they need emotionally and physically.
To have a healthy and productive co-parenting relationship, it is essential to identify what is going well rather than focusing on what's not working. To do this, try to identify what is going well rather than focusing on what's not working. This way, you can accentuate the positives as you work toward resolving parenting conflicts with your ex.
Have clear boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries and recognizing what you have control over—and what you don't—regarding your children and your ex is crucial for effective co-parenting. Research has found that emotional well-being is a "bidirectional process," meaning an interdependency exists between a parent's and child's well-being. When parents are mentally healthy, they can better model healthy behavior for their children.
Have a predetermined schedule: Parenting time transitions are more manageable for everyone involved when the schedule represents a solid, predetermined routine rather than an iffy, "we'll see" type of arrangement. Consistent routines improve kids' mental health and reduce incidents of depression, suicidality, impulsivity, and aggression. Routines are essential in higher-stress environments like divorce.
Be flexible: While routine is healthy, it's also important to be flexible with one another while co-parenting. A healthy approach is to be as accommodating with your ex as you would like them to be with you. Demonstrating how you would like things to be between you can be more effective than repeatedly telling them that the current arrangement isn't working or displeases you.
Defer to your co-Parent: Parents who work well together and collaborate as parents will call one another to offer an opportunity to be with the kids before leaving them with a babysitter. Some families write this intention into their parenting plan.
Aim to be in agreement: No two parents are going to agree on every decision, but co-parents who work together well for the sake of their kids have reached a basic level of agreement on the most important things. Try to come to a consensus on issues like children's health, discipline, education, and spiritual upbringing. In some cases, a written parenting plan has helped co-parents reach this healthy level of communication.
Avoid manipulation: Parents who share a good, healthy co-parenting relationship do not attempt to manipulate one another or control their children's allegiances. They recognize that their children need to have relationships with both parents and that their affection for the other parent is no personal threat to them.
Discuss changes with your co-parent: When last-minute changes are needed, parents who share a healthy co-parenting relationship make an effort to talk with one another first—before announcing any schedule changes to their children. Some families find it helpful to include guidelines for handling schedule changes in their parenting plan.
Show your kids that you co-parent well: Children of co-parents who work well together believe that their parents get along, which means they have learned how to communicate effectively and minimize conflict. Attending school meetings, sporting events, and recitals without tension is another sign of an effective co-parenting relationship. Recognize your co-parent's importance: Even though it may be hard sometimes, try to value your children's opportunity to know and spend time with the other parent.
